Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
