I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she peed on how many people?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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