dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
