I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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