no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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