I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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