escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
