I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
