you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
