i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
