glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm like, not good at living.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
