you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
