oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
