I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize