i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
