Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
