I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
