They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
