Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
