Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
