i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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