After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
