On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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