So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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