If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
