I think I died a long time ago.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
