in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
