So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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