Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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