? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
