Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
