hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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