i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
