I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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