people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
