Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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