Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
