I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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