i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
