I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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