everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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