i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
