I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
