North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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