We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
