I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
