Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
