Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
