Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
