i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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