why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
