I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
