its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
