Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
what is it with giant penises always finding me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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