Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
