Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
