I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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