I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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