I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
