We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
