The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
