I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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