The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
