Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just gift wrapped bread.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
