How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
